Managing Parent Expectations and Relationship

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Managing Parent Expectations and Relationship

Parents always want what’s best for their children (according to them). They want their child to be an ideal individual. An individual of whom every parent dreamed about. They have already developed an abstract image of what their child should be like and come rain or shine, work actively to mold their child in that image. Even though parents are the most important pillars of a child’s life still there are incidents when students find it difficult to handle the pressure of parents’ expectations, their continuous taunts, and nudging. And comments are like these are often heard by the children by their parents,

“You are always on your Mobile”,” Your headphones are always on. See the marks of Sharma Ji sons”, “You are always wasting time watching TV, talking and sleeping“,” You wake up so late/ I am shouting from the kitchen and you are not listening.”

Every child faces continuous taunts and comments from parents that irritate them. But they forget that parents are their well-wishers and want their good without any expectation and conditions. But still, clashes happen because of different viewpoints. We must understand that clashes are also important otherwise a relationship will become dull and boring. But even though this taunting is done for our good, most of the children take it on the heart and develop grudges whereas they forgive other people easily.

What is the problem? /Why we feel irritated all the time?

  • When children think of spending time with family, all they talk about is studies and nothing else.
  • Mismatched priorities– Mom wants you to have a shower and meals at the right time whereas you are working according to your schedule. Parents do not understand the importance/ complexity/ intricacies of JEE/NEET.
  • Parents compare them with other children and also compare their school and coaching results. Coaching institutes tell them to focus on competitive exams whereas, the parents want to see good school results too.
  • Unrealistic expectations- Parents want students to do good in school and coaching and want them to study all the time. But humanly this is not possible. They do not want students to relax. These unreal expectations also pressurize students when we are not able to fulfill them.
  • Parents pressurize students to excel and do good and on top, they say that they do not pressurize.

These comments hit is hardest when deep down we know that our performance is not up to the mark. We are already down and tense and when our parents push us, we face the bitter reality and get irritated.

Why parents behave in this way when they are our well-wishers? What’s the Soul Searching involved?

  • Most of the time commenting happens when we are on wrong track (TV/ Talking/ Mobile/ Social Media) or our performance is going down. When parents see insincere efforts they are not able to control them.
  • If parents pressurize us, they are also under constant pressure with us. It’s not just us who are preparing for exams but our parents also. Their future and our future is connected.
  • Let’s admit this fact.We all know deep down that without this taunting and pressure, we will lose focus. More than us, they know that we are lacking in our efforts. This nudging now might seem bad and irritating but we know how important it is. And in a way, it helps us.
  • All our parents want is security and well being. Suppose your parents are not allowing you to do something, then don’t fight with them.

What is the solution to this problem? How to deal with parents? How to handle them?

  • First thing, we don’t have to change them but understand them. Don’t react but respond.
  • Ignore the negativity/ taunts. Remember Silence is the best answer.
  • Take it as Challenge. Think it as a motivation to move forward. Actions speak louder than words.
  • Discuss your problems with your parents. They are human too. They will understand your point. You know that your parents are emotional. So utilize it, link that emotion with what you want to do. Play with the situation smartly and they will understand. You see how interesting this all becomes when you choose a light and easy way to explain your point to your parents and that too calmly.
  • NEVER FIGHT WITH THEM– I will understand if you fight with someone who is trying to harm you or is thinking bad about you. But parents don’t want it. Parents don’t want your bad so I see no point in fighting with them.
  • But every relationship has its ups and downs and clashes happen . At that time, remember that we never get bothered by a stranger walking on the road. We always get affected by the actions of our own people.# you and your parents are on the same team
  • We do not have to mold their advices according to our convenience.-
  • Never criticize your parents with others. This will increase the negativity. Build a bond with parents instead of finding love outside.
  • Love and respect should be mutual. Many times we do not respond when our parents need us. But when you get sick, you don’t want your parents to go away from you even for a second. You want their complete attention and pampering and love or when you go home, why do you keep looking for your mother in the entire house when you do not see her?

Think about what all parents do for you – think about their unconditional love and think why they scold you- close your eyes and the answer would be that they want you to succeed, they are your well-wishers. So next time when you feel bad about any comment, think about it from their perspective and you will not feel bad in fact, you will feel proud and happy.

Just like a coin has 2 faces, this emotional behavior also has both benefits and side-effects. But what we do?-we keep focusing on the negative side and then we get sad. But when we focus on its positive side, our entire thinking will be changed and we will understand how lucky we are that our parents love us unconditionally and want us to do good in exams and life.

Conclusion-Importance of family ecosystem

Family forms an emotional and supportive backbone. Most toppers whom I interviewed said their family ecosystem was the biggest factor behind their success. In fact, in interviews, most of the toppers give credit for their success to their family. 

What you provide, you will receive the same. If you are irritated, your parents will also be irritated. If you trust them, love them and talk to them. They will do the same. Talk about positive things, avoid negativity. The best and easiest way to develop positivity is to talk to them more often. Misunderstanding happens when communication is less. So talk to them about your day/ friends/ teacher/ school/ coaching/ test/ marks – talk about everything, maybe your parents will not understand everything but they understand your feelings, and once that connection is established the energy of the entire family moves to the next level.

I would finish with a small story which is a las- minute conversation between Rama and Ravana, just after Lord Rama struck Ravana with his arrow and Ravana was about to die. Lord Ram went to Ravana to have a last-minute conversation.

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